Think about it. we are all living to eventually die. my dad and grandpa did. and can they remember.. no. those who do, die too. we all die. I have no legacy, no memories to have woolen live for me at least my dad is living through me, in me but when I die I’m the end.
Over the past few days its gotten worse. To cope I drank.. A LOT. Gist me $200 after losing my phone, and not just about the phone but the memories in it, all contacts. To yesterday hitting a bo ttom sitting at cemetary for over an hour, crying drinking, popping 3 anxiety pills to come home and continue to overdosing, I am to stubborn to die, I just fell asleep. I have told my mom today, atleast knowing I woke up. This is not me.. it is not for attention.. it is not crap.. its a disorder that hits ugly. The other day I just kept saying I have nothing to live for no grounds to be here and I know.. its selfish.. its the bottom.. So I got out and did some geocaching. The outdoors and exercise help me mentally. TODAY is still a rough day.. missing dad, wishing and just because of who my heart is that the man that promised to always be there no matter what could be told happy fathers day. Seeing friends today who have lost their dad.. seeing dads who’s mothers ran off with kids when they want to see their children.. reading all the posts on all sides of it, mims being both parents.. etc