Its not me… lets process…

DEAR ME… Lets start Processing.. It explains alot over the years and lately.. Frst we have to cope.. then we have to call referral for our own safety, right?. .. been really depressed and no reason.. the other day I cut and took extra pills told people I dont want to be here, not as in not in the world as much as not in this state.. Im not me and everytime it hits.. its worse…. feeling getting worse which first ive told is my Dr, Im trying to put on a im fine act… I cant
handle the feeling.. feel helpless and hopeless.. so went to dr.. he said Im having a manic cycle.. that hes seen me situational.. but the fact that everythings stable now meds working he beleves its not major depressive disorder but severe manic depression.. he has asked before that I see a specialist or hosptal and I refuse.. bad experiances with them but now wants me to go even if just once for a second opinion and he will treat my meds.. Im already on one antidepressant and 3 anxiety pills.. now adding another, lamotrigine, simlar to lithium for a mood stabilizer and hopefully help with the manic cycle. (I can laugh and say the best side effect is weight loss).. He did have me do a questionaire that showed not to be bipolar, leading to believe its severe manic depression… I cant stop crying. I wish noone had to see this.. Ive been trying to push everyone away, fighting people for no reason than to try and make them run away.. explains alot really.. Im scared of people seeing me thia way..  which dr said is because of manic cycle.. its not me, its the disorder.. I hate feeling this way.. I cant be strong right now.. I feel so broken…. just dont like people knowing about it like everyone knowing me for my social, loving, funny self, the real me, the devoted, stable, strong person.. but as a rangers friend Ive become good friends with.. even the strongest get week.. to hide is natural and theres him and others he sees that are going to help me get over this

Author: Dana Gidner-Kristal

perfectly imperfect

Spill your brains...

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