Scared shitless but what about to do is only rational unselfish choice..I feel ao defecti ce, damaged and unhuman. embarrased, ashamed, feel guilty and hopeless. I Know and hear there is no reason I need to feel that way or be sorry 😦 pray for something good.. I dont want to do this but cant be like this. Feel alone even when I know Im not.. ITS my own fault I dont want anyone here either seeing me break down completely. They may keep me but I hope not. Flashbacks of this 18 YEARS AGO.. KNOW things have improvedd in medical industry. And all those times o f hearing Im unstable and need mental help.. well thank you.