Gods not ready for me

It started on August 4, 2013

Since last sunday I know god is not ready for me after being rushed to the ER on an overdose. MY Severe MDD caused me to disassociate from myself with the help of alcohol. Unconscious, Im told paramedics came. 40 Trazadone they say I took and with cuts on my wrist. Now owned by the county on protective ordersfrom myself. I spent one day at JPS and Released from Millwood yesterday for intensive outpatient hospitalization to start on Monday.

I did a lot of thinking in this time. A lot of writing (which I will upload when I can) I realize Im not alone, I realize Im ill and its not me, and I realize I need help to cope. IM SORRY can not fix those Ive hurt but telling them Im getting help and proving it with actions will.

I am more ill and more severe than anyone thought. IVE LEARNED and will continue to learn coping and communication skills so I can ask for help before I take my life again. Suicide is serious and scary. All the alcohol in the house desposed of as well

I thank god I woke up this morning and thank you all for love and support.

Here is one writing from the hospital:

My temporary home

It may not be my home
But here I am for help.

I tried to take my life
All I can do is get help.

I took to many pills to
End my existance in life.

I thought it was the end,
but would not work by knife.

I almost succeeded
Then I was found.

My heart barely beating
I lay on the ground.

I sit here in this place
Seven to ten days.

I sit here thinking,
Learning to change my ways.

This is not my home
But my temporary home.

My temporary home
Lead me to this poem.

I turned my world
upside down.

The day they found
me on the ground.

Author: Dana Gidner-Kristal

perfectly imperfect

Spill your brains...

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