Thanks for always being here to free my mind
I sit at home once again was gonna go for a drive but know where that ends me at and was told not to go there. Was gonna come home have a drink or two to slow mind told not to do that either so I sit.. Where I don’t feel safe from myself. Thought about calling a friend to play pool but don’t want the crowds and not to be in bars. Last night had that knock not come to my door to snap me out, not sure how far would have gone last night. Then to diffuse stupid text misunderstandings it’s so easy for me to turn my back and shut people out
Solution to all of these problems
Seeing even over seven years was me I tried to hard to make everything perfect and to save and his my illness
. I was the poisonous equation and still am
No one can ever beat me down more that I do myself no matter what they say. As said in a previous blog even when it’s other people I get mad at myself, angry, sad, mentally a using myself because when what should seem logical and rational is wrong to everyone else so it’s me thinking backwards
Tonight I just pray for a safe night last nights d’état h from emotions from all the crying and analyzing therapy and the intense stuff.. No one will ever understand what I go through day to day and I pray no one ever has to.
Fear of going back to hospital and so on.. The dream.. A sign of a dying relationship, with who? And even my therapist saying.. “Dana you can’t handle that right now” I’ve lost so much over 3 and a half years
Now I’m just losing me, the
Gidner that don’t give up.. Letting dad down on e again. Couldn’t carry one legacy can’t carry this one. I’m a failure as I look at myself. Cut up and bleeding that won’t stop
I’m a beautiful disaster becoming a disaster. I’m done for now.. No more talking to my blog my only other outlet.. I can just hear people look at her looking for attention.. She is. Easy.. She needs serious help.. She can’t handle a thing
The words play in my head. The anger with myself builds z tears fall. Later blog until we meet again. I’m sorry you lost me too.. Lost the fun pictures of me now turned to quotes.. Lost my poetry that was love, stomping Daisys and all the fun stories of life
I’m becoming an ashamed hermit.