Todays list of my mind

can’t focus

everything is literally blurry

My body aches from last night with my muscles tensing up

don’t know what to do or how to handle what I need to do

not stable enough to do anything

contacted therapist to see me ASAP

crying at work, thankful for 2 coworkers who care, where with everyone else I have to wear a mask

can’t stop shaking today

can’t shut my mind of, as I know a decision of life needs to be made on what to do

I feel trapped

I feel stuck

With each incident I feel like it sets me back a few more steps instead of forward

I’m told I shouldn’t talk about issues that are resolved in therapy to rehash them, but what is therapy for.

Why do I feel like people are trying to control my illness that I can’t control.

Why do some say they are being understanding and supportive but they are really throwing me back further.

Why can’t I stop thinking of the fact that I’m to blame, guilt and punishment.

I wish I had my mom closer right now, she did great last night when I asked her to be dad.

I need a break, I need time out, I need time away from life.

I need less stressors, I need people to be more compassionate, I don’t want eggshells or a pity party but dont’ tell me you understand if your only making things worse and know it… Knowing what I can’t handle yet still going.

I’m tired of toxicity in life, yet I don’t know how to get rid of it

I’m fighting to get better by going to therapy, medications, seeing psychiatrist, and I feel so helpless and hopeless, I’m getting impatient with this and just want me back.

I feel like the person I was, died in my suicide attempt and now I’m just left as a shell, I try to be positive but it’s not that easy in my state right now.

Author: Dana Gidner-Kristal

perfectly imperfect

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