everything is literally blurry
My body aches from last night with my muscles tensing up
don’t know what to do or how to handle what I need to do
not stable enough to do anything
contacted therapist to see me ASAP
crying at work, thankful for 2 coworkers who care, where with everyone else I have to wear a mask
can’t stop shaking today
can’t shut my mind of, as I know a decision of life needs to be made on what to do
I feel trapped
I feel stuck
With each incident I feel like it sets me back a few more steps instead of forward
I’m told I shouldn’t talk about issues that are resolved in therapy to rehash them, but what is therapy for.
Why do I feel like people are trying to control my illness that I can’t control.
Why do some say they are being understanding and supportive but they are really throwing me back further.
Why can’t I stop thinking of the fact that I’m to blame, guilt and punishment.
I wish I had my mom closer right now, she did great last night when I asked her to be dad.
I need a break, I need time out, I need time away from life.
I need less stressors, I need people to be more compassionate, I don’t want eggshells or a pity party but dont’ tell me you understand if your only making things worse and know it… Knowing what I can’t handle yet still going.
I’m tired of toxicity in life, yet I don’t know how to get rid of it
I’m fighting to get better by going to therapy, medications, seeing psychiatrist, and I feel so helpless and hopeless, I’m getting impatient with this and just want me back.
I feel like the person I was, died in my suicide attempt and now I’m just left as a shell, I try to be positive but it’s not that easy in my state right now.