Its all winning again..

*graphic image warning*
Cuts over cuts from the other day.. On the plus side it seems to only like my left arm. The skins so dry from gauze and well theres not much area left.. So it more so just left dry marks on the skin. I left to go for a drive as the petty arguing was too much. I ended up parked at a park near by. There was a razor in my truck.. I remember reaching for my rock the doctors office gave me.. Next I know it wasn’t the rock.

I came home and fell asleep and left again for a drive.. Coming back because CJ wanted to talk.. I told him he could talk I would listen.. Then I started crying saying I couldn’t say what I felt needed to be said. I went outside. He came out and I told him maybe its best he left, he says I crush him complains I’m not affectionate (part of my depression) but yes Im also pushing him away best I can. I don’t want people around me or living like this. I hate this illness, it stayed buried for many years and now its coming back with a vengeance. then my head played back my therapist saying she doesn’t think right now I can mentally handle it and having him here even if for safety reasons is needed. So he’s staying. We will see what happens but I cant take anymore of hearing all the things I don’t do and the arguing.

Im exhausted mentally and emotionally. I dont feel like talking or going anywhere in pubic I am trying to fight trying to believe my meds will be right soon.. That I will feel better.. That I can beat this. What do people do to deserve these illnesses, cancers and so on. Why does it seem to hits the good people.

Tomorrow I am getting out with rick and charlie, per CJ he’s staying home and they are going to get me away and geocaching, or so thats the plan at this moment.

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People may wonder why the graphics but i have to show the doctor when I go in Monday per the therapist who has seen them.

Author: Dana Gidner-Kristal

perfectly imperfect

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