Acceptance, No judgement passed

It is great that for the time in life I have a good support group to get through. Last night after MrI, friend/coworker, knew me coming home wasn’t best. So as they were getting off work they invited me to dinner at BWW.  Had a few beers, Talked of work, my doctors and all that I have going on, just listening and letting me go on and on. Afterwards they needed gas so I had them follow me to the closest QT, they filled up my gas take after much back talk from me to make sure I get to all my doctors appointments next week. It all has me to where Im so stressed with it all,  Its exhausting me and I look horrible. The stress has my face breaking out. You can tell just by looking at me Im exhausted in all aspects.
This morning was/is another bad episode. Could not even take my pills because I could not make out the letters. Homebound again. Im trying to work, typing is not the problem I know the keys.. Reading what I need to type is. Even this blog is being done in spurts when its not so bad. I know Im a fighter just by overcoming some things even recently. But I have been so sick since January, no one can find answers and are finding thing that aren’t even in my symptoms leading to more illness. i have to keep telling myself.. I got this, it wont defeat me, friends and family are cheering me on and I’m no longer affecting others. When I think I might.. I isolate and just deal with it. I am not used to people accepting me for illness out of my control and having peole there, I mean hell even for a while my mom couldn’t be supportive. Now i have those who know its not WHO I am, it just an illness I have and they are all escalating, and everyone is cherishing the time they have with me as I am cherishing the time I have for life.

Bracingly self for next week when I go to pulmonary doctor, neurologist, and therapy. This week was psychiatrist and another MRI, week before consult one day, next day MRI, next day emg and shock tests, next day mri.. Too many too close. I may have a nervous break down. I know people have it worse, I know people don’t understand where I am, I don’t like to complain when something is wrong but for whatever reason being an open book its worn all over my face. It sucks.  Everyone knows Im a positive person, my boss even made recognition of it the other day.

Author: Dana Gidner-Kristal

perfectly imperfect

Spill your brains...

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