Not where I want to be

Miserable feeling – had a whole body muscle jerk episode last night, since then back is killing me to move. About in tears when lifted arm over my head a minute ago. Wont to that again. The worst is when on the outside you look fine and healthy and on the inside you feel like your dying. And no one understands because you look fine and normal. Goes for my depression to, its reacquiring with the health issues and being homebound, everyone sees me as fine because I have learned to not show my illnesses. But, it can get lonely when no one knows because you wont let anyone close just in case it shows.
To not be able to leave the house and go to work all week because I cant
See. I don’t go in depth of issues to my boss either. I don’t know what to do. Doctors find more things wrong when I go for symptoms than what my symptoms are via testing and some days I just don’t want to live through this. Today is one but I have to be strong for one person, thats me. I learned, I was string for others and told I was weak and so on now I wont complain or say whats going on. i just come here and I write to myself. Its a lonely and scary journey.

Author: Dana Gidner-Kristal

perfectly imperfect

Spill your brains...

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