July 31

Just sitting doing some deeper darker writing.. But thats the point of writing, to just be anything. With my writing we should name is Danas 50 shades of paper.

Her wall is up, 
Her esteem down. 
Shes protective of  Herself
whenever hes around.
He was her one and only
now theres just pain. 
A bleeding soul every
time he comes around. 
She knows his lies and 
manipulation games. 
And this time she 
stood up for herself.
She looks over the wall
still built tall and strong. 
Thinking that she never 
believed it could go wrong. 
She has always protected him, 
Taking blame for his wrongs. 
He was always blaming his 
wrongs, and not protecting her. 
He knew all the words to say, 
The buttons to push. 
A way to get her to speak, 
a way to make her weak. 
He always called her names, 
weak, spoiled and to woman up. 
But what he didn’t know is she
was strong, but let him be the ‘man’
Now she spread her broken wings,
She got out of the cage.
Her Love wanted to turn around but 
the pain could not handle it.
He contacts her and begs her to come home, 
a man who told her to leave, didnt’ think she woudl.
She left so fast with nothing much to live off.
And now hes lost her all because he didnt’ believe.
And with each moment she
sees her scars covered with blood. 
He didn’t protect her in sickness 
he told her to get her shit together. 
The next day she did with her
tear filled eyes, her best friend was called. 
Now he knows her strength and the fight
he failed to see in her for them. 
And this time shes really ill, its not just a panic
attack like before, its not the depression.
Yes she has depression that is a disorder 
to never go away, something we are stuck with. 
She tried to take her life to rid the pain
he claimed she caused, but it wasn’t her time. 
She tried to feel human, when his words cut
so did the knife, and he knew it would.
He knew his games and the effect they have, 
but they werent his consequenses. 
The blood on the floor the scars on her body, 
The empty bottles every night. 
But now it goes deeper into the brain, 
Now shes got an illness, and will never be the same. 
She needs that person thats strong, the one who sticks to
that they will protect and never leave their side.
Someone that is true to thier words, Someone like 
the man her dad was to her mother. 
No eggshels, no broken glass.  Bandaged wounds
He hopes this will be her last. 
But they take the time to understand her illness, 
Really take the time they will forever know. 
Its not who she is, its what she has that consumes her. 
She can not be judged by something out of her reach. 
She still wishes she could go, so far away. A new illness
it is triggering the depression.
It took her long to find the triggers, the who the whats and the wheres. but she focused and only then could she know. 
Only then could she talk her strenth back. Shes not perfect, 
her body covered in deep scars, people question. she has no answer. 
Her Tears still fall like a hail storm, her heart still pounds
at the thoughts and dreams. dreams she lost, sacrificed because they were not his and he didn’t want them.  
She asks herself is it to late, can she do all the starting over. 
Will she find someone who can be what she needs, 
knowing all she has to give. 
Yes, Yes She can, Dreams only die if you let them. She just put hers away for safe keeping. He said shes never make it with out him alone, but now shes still standing on her feet, needing nothing or mo one to hold her together.
Shes only human, thats all she can be.  You can love her or hate
But she will still always be. the one with the illness’s out of her control, illnesses that don’t go away its not a cold or a stomach ache. and will stay by her side.

Author: Dana Gidner-Kristal

perfectly imperfect

Spill your brains...

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