I built this wall

I built this wall to protect me, to protect my heart. Slowly, I want to cut out the cement holding the bricks together.  Let Friends and Family see back in.  Let my cute rays of sunshine out.

Last night was so Refreshing with Johnny and Debra, watching our dogs play and just laughing.  I forgot what that feels like.  No stress, no tension.  

Seeing Russ on Tuesday and catching up a little bit on where he and his fiance are, what he has been up to with his storm chasing, his band rehearsal and so on.  

Watching Kimber and all the kids last Saturday at Kimbers, 1st Bday, my brother making jokes that pissed my mom off, yeah, family tension a little but somethings never change with those two.. ha.

It all puts life in perspective. But just those 3 instances, and a new face I am talking with, I see and miss the old me.  I was once so social.  So upbeat, not always hiding behind this wall.  Lately, I quit talking to Rick, meeting coworkers like Gilbert, ect.  I just guarded myself again.  

I am always afraid to let people get close because of my health, depression, past.  When people get close I have tendencies of trying to push them away, run and no one really stops me.  Its something I work on hard. But I think to, its finding people I feel okay with being able to share with, people I feel can handle it.  People who want to be there. I am not sure.

Author: Dana Gidner-Kristal

perfectly imperfect

One thought on “I built this wall”

  1. Just keep doing what you do, Dana. When your ready, you’ll know. I think I can handle us chatting. I’m hoping you may consider the experiences we have between us, just as valuable as I do. I won’t sugar coat shit, Dana. I died in many ways, intentionally hurt myself in ways you would never think I’d have done. But, you know something? I believe it’s all been necessary.. There was no good, bad or indifferent with the choices we both made.. They would have happened, no matter the circumstances…. Getting to know each other, maybe with a new perspective from our past lessons and the new maturity, insight we have on ourselves, I think we can be mature with each others feelings.. I just know, I don’t want things the way they are. We have some great times, bad times and ya know.. we got through them the best we could and were both still doing exactly that. Now, if your worried about the pouncing and us not keeping our hands off each other.. well.. that’s just a risk I’m willing to take. haha You know.. this pita won’t ever stop being a pita.. lol I’m actually gotten much better at it… haha Whatever you got in that closet of yours, put it on the table, so we can move past it. Cause I can’t think of any harm two people whom loved each other, trusted and knew each other better than themselves, can’t chat like we used to do when it was better for our own safety! hahaha Anyways, you know how to find me.. I know you grinned.. lol Hitta kneega up with something current, cause you already know my stalker skills are advanced. lol

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