I built this wall to protect me, to protect my heart. Slowly, I want to cut out the cement holding the bricks together. Let Friends and Family see back in. Let my cute rays of sunshine out.
Last night was so Refreshing with Johnny and Debra, watching our dogs play and just laughing. I forgot what that feels like. No stress, no tension.
Seeing Russ on Tuesday and catching up a little bit on where he and his fiance are, what he has been up to with his storm chasing, his band rehearsal and so on.
Watching Kimber and all the kids last Saturday at Kimbers, 1st Bday, my brother making jokes that pissed my mom off, yeah, family tension a little but somethings never change with those two.. ha.
It all puts life in perspective. But just those 3 instances, and a new face I am talking with, I see and miss the old me. I was once so social. So upbeat, not always hiding behind this wall. Lately, I quit talking to Rick, meeting coworkers like Gilbert, ect. I just guarded myself again.
I am always afraid to let people get close because of my health, depression, past. When people get close I have tendencies of trying to push them away, run and no one really stops me. Its something I work on hard. But I think to, its finding people I feel okay with being able to share with, people I feel can handle it. People who want to be there. I am not sure.