Strength.. I have got this….

They say things come in threes, that when it rains it pours, and so on.  But, I have got this.  I can take what is thrown at me.  I can rise above.  First, my landlord found out about the dogs, which he kind of knew about but wasn’t aware of the size.  Well, come to find out he has been burned by tenants in the past with big dogs and has a zero tolerance policy for them.  So, Sadie and Gordie need new homes.  This has broken my heart.  Not only did I have to get rid of Gordie once, but twice because the first owner could not keep him.  I am still seeking a home for Sadie.

Then, my Anti Depressant has completely stopped working during this situational episode.  Situations like this I can generally keep on trucking right through it, looking for solutions, and getting it resolved.  Fixing my feelings on it and remaining positive.   My landlord offered to buy me a new dog.  I even went out and got a smaller dog as I did need it as my dogs were emotional support/therapy dogs.  It still did not lift anything. I have a call into my doctor to discuss it, he was just out on a 4 day weekend so I was at a stand still.

And, Third…. Because of my Depression, Gil and I have broken up.  He can’t handle depression.  He spoke down to me as if he was superior and always happy and positive and never had a bad day in his life.  I tried explaining that I am normally upbeat and positive and hell even on a blue day I can mask it.. but that something just isn’t right.  I used to blame myself and apologize for my depression. But, I can’t do it this time, I won’t do it this time.. Instead, I said my thank you’s for the time we shared.  I know it isn’t easy on anyone involved just as it is not easy on me.  I don’t want to welcome it in anyones’ life.  I need someone strong who can support me in hard times.  Usually, as I said, I do good with it.  Just not now.  I don’t sleep, anxiety has me shaking, I cry uncontrollably. and worst of all this is not the real me.

Author: Dana Gidner-Kristal

perfectly imperfect

Spill your brains...

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