Today I have felt emotional. As in tearful, down, sad in a sense. Then I look at the good in my life, the things to be thankful for and it stops the feelings temporarily. The thing is, I don’t feel those emotions are bad in either sense. I feel at a point in life that it is absolutely OKAY to feel emotion. I can’t remember the last time I sat all day with the urge to just cry, for both happy and sad reasons.

While I will still only let any tears no matter happy or sad fall without blinking as I hate tears, I am more acceptable of them. I know that the people in my life and closest to me each day will most likely accept me either way and not judge me. Sure there are those that aren’t in my every day life that may judge it.. but that is going to happen no matter what.

Being someone who has be numbed to emotions for so long, who has never felt it was okay to show or feel them and then learned to just stay numb to any emotion including to love, and now seeing love broke the seal, it’s comforting.

I am going through the challenges of excepting things. This is a huge one, to accept feelings and emotions. Second is to accept a man who actually loves me beyond the initial dating and ‘courting’ stage, and third a man who wats to help me when I need it and to suck up my pride and independence. Positive Adjustments that I not used to but want to be used to. Adjustments I am trying so hard to adjust to and afraid I won’t fast enough. I’m trying so hard. I have a man I don’t want to lose, and fear doing so because all my life I have been judged, told no one would want me, told I was hard to handle and so on, so forth with my disorders of major depressive disorder and anxiety, with who I am, with just that, my past judging me and my harder ability to just talk.

Author: Dana Gidner-Kristal

perfectly imperfect

Spill your brains...

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