There is so much going on in everyone’s life and I am the biggest person who knowing that keeps things to myself, alone and battling life. With so many around me who do care, want to help and love me, it’s still hard to not feel alone. And the lonelier I feel, the more lonely I become as I keep to myself. I know that sounded like I just spoke in a circle, but keep reading.
They say you never forget your first love, but it’s your everlasting love that you find and want forever that is the most important. All so true, your first, second, maybe third, who knows, all taught you what love wasn’t. And while you tried to love them, or make it work, or just be loved, you loved alone. Maybe you wanted to see bigger things they didn’t and maybe it wasn’t even with them you saw it in the end, you only saw that those are things you want in life, not them, but you tried and tried. You loved alone. You loved them, but most of all you had to love yourself for the two of you.
Let’s look at families, we all have that member who is different or the ‘black sheep.’ Maybe it’s you, maybe it’s someone else or even an in-law/out-law. If it’s you, you tend to feel alone in the company of them. If it’s someone else, think of how they feel alone in the company.
Recently, I experienced this when I was in someone else’s home. I even let them semi Berate me and make me feel unwelcome. But when you are a airline and 1300+ miles from home, you suck it up, you don’t let it ruin your days and you keep on trucking. And sometimes no one understands. Don’t feel alone, make yourself a part of the days left. Then what do you do when they come to your town and do the same, now really feeling alone. You are more at ease and more comfortable in your surroundings, took the things they said in your visit last to heart and tried tooth and nail to make it comfortable for them. All while they have made it even more noticeable that you are alone in trying. You ask yourself what you have possibly done. You have removed yourself now from where you thought you ‘belonged’ and weren’t alone and you go off alone. Sure, your not alone, you can talk to someone, but who that it won’t make uncomfortable. Your dog! Now, your not alone, alone.
Do you ever feel like when it comes to emotions and feelings, sharing them with others again you are alone? By this I mean do you feel like you can only be open with your feelings and emotions so long with it being one sided that you are alone? You start to question if others want you around for them or if they are just appeasing you. Afraid to hurt you, or afraid to lose you as a whole? Yet, you’re again alone, knowing what you feel, what you want, what you see, and the thoughts appear one sided. Not because you’re alone, but because your thoughts are alone, or so it seems when you are the only one open. I don’t just speak in love, relationships, family. It could be in school or your career.
The end all be all to the scenarios, is you are never alone. You have yourself. You love yourself, and that’s a part of why you feel these things.