Last year at this time three ladies at work had just had babies. This year at this time, three ladies of the crew family are pregnant. I ‘luckily’ don’t drink the water. As we all joke in both scenarios. At the same time as you have probably read in previous blogs, this is a tender subject for me. And if you have not read let me explain.
Let’s go back to 2006 or 2007. Here I was in a relationship with someone with 2 kids who looked me dead in the eyes and asked what I thought of having kids. Knowing it wasn’t something I thought of. As my ‘clock started ticking I started to think about it and even more so for all the wrong reasons and I guess to save something that was broken, I began to think about it. But there is more to that.
As we are separated for several months I had gone to the ER, they had told me I was pregnant, I had gone back a few weeks later due to some massive bleeding where I was told I miscarried. Ashamed to admit I did not know if it was his or a new ‘boyfriend’. But later finding out I wasn’t even pregnant at all. The hospital had mixed up urine samples. It was a mixup on their part but at some point when I had gone back the second time that was not communicated. It was just assumed, my bleeding was a miscarriage.
Anyhow, he and I got back together and I figured maybe that was the way to ‘fix things’ if that was what he wanted. So I addressed it. At which he told me he never wanted a family with me. He only said that on that day because he knew I had no kids and he thought is would win me over and that was it. At which I explained to him a child was not a kitten or like the puppy he got me the time he gave me a black eye. He was a complete idiot to the concept. As is any man who believes a kid is the answer. As was I to even have the thought. But luckily I never followed through.
But now here I am in a place in life where I could see me growing a family. If not making one. Adopting one. But building one either way. And I love that I am now getting to see our friend grow theirs. That in itself makes my heart happy. As I will get to see all of them grow. Kimber will have them all to grow with which is also great. They will be an extended family to her as well. She already loves Zoey to death.
And as another part of my life become more complete, I am finding my heart more at home as I move my stuff over to what feels more like him than any place before.. with him, In his arms every night and morning.