Coping mechanisms

Draft.. Started February 22, 2019

This blog will take a few days to finish.. when I am done I will delete the word ‘draft’

If I have learned one thing over the past 7-8 years, if not more, it had been coping mechanisms. And I have learned that all of them have tied together in every situation. It used to be I had one for each situation. One when I was sad. One when my mind was racing. One when I was lonely. One when my disorders kicked in and I would unknowingly use them. Now I use them as a habit.

When I was sad I used to seclude, so I would not bring others down. 

 When my mind was racing I would write on paper then throw it out so no one would see my thoughts. 

When I was lonely, I would bury myself in a book, for a short time it was a romance novel. It kept me single yet in love with a story. 

 When it was with my disorder it was any craft to keep my hands busy. Or anything on the above list that kept my mind, hands or self busy. 

Now if I find myself in any situation I just grab and go with anything. I cope with whatever situation is at hand and use whatever life has taught me for the most part.

But I still find that things from my past haunt me. Childhood, teen, young adult.. I find myself in certain situations and react the same. For example, times when  I should speak, I don’t in fear of others reactions, knowing they won’t react the same way of manner in which I dealt with in the past but still hearing all the belittling in my head because I have a thought, a feeling, an emotion.  Flashbacks of the past. Post traumatic. And I wonder if just once I can turn it off, hide the fear and just be open and un afraid.

The world is a criticizing place as it is.  So, when you are trapped in your own fears of makes it even harder sometimes.  It’s only when you can learn to get over the mountains and mole hills and continue to push each day no matter what that each day becomes more worth it.

Author: Dana Gidner-Kristal

perfectly imperfect

Spill your brains...

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