… when your Lonely.. Where do you go when your blue? -Old McGraw song…
As I stated in my last blog, I have kinda worked myself to exhaustion but more importantly into a loneliness. There’s so many different kinds of loneliness that you can feel, but in the end it’s still loneliness.
Being alone and being lonely are different. Neither have to do with weather you are in a room full of people, or by yourself. Deserved solitude feels peaceful, creative and restorative. Loneliness on the other hand feels draining, distracting and unsettling. Loneliness is a universal human emotion that is both complex and unique to each individual.
I know I am not alone, I know I am surrounded by love. I have a man who cares for me, I have friends, coworkers and family all around me. I may not always feel present to them, but that’s a me problem.
I think right now my lonesomeness comes from missing the presence of that man who loves me just as equally as I love him. I miss my time of spending with him and having the feeling of us doing things with/for each other.. and right now.. I find myself doing things such as I did last night.. his daughter called and instead of me getting to talk to her I took the dog outside and we sat there and in the bedroom until he finished his quality time with her on the phone as I know they don’t get enough of it. And I know they need their time as well.
In return and my way of feeling right now.. I then made myself feel as if I wasn’t part of the family as I realized I was being told it was all clear to rejoin the living room. No ones fault but my own, while my intentions were good and I meant well, I know they could also possibly see it as me not being part which is definitely not what I want.