Here come the holidays..

We all love them.. the dysfunction of family members, the joyous music, the stress, and soo much more. And as much as I try to talk to my family in their limited time.. I see why at this time of year when I don’t. I also see that when I seem to be in a good place in life and love, some just can’t be joyous, even during the holidays.

While on the phone I hear “Your brother and sister in law are coming here for Thanksgiving”. As I share our plans I hear “well, he needs to learn to share you with your family too” so I jump and not necessarily defend it, there’s nothing to ‘defend’ things happen when they happen and he and his daughter go to Florida when she is in for the holiday. So as we talk a little more the subject changes again. “Are you atleast going to put up a tree this year” hmm.. well, I haven’t put up a tree in many years, and I voice that. And the reply comes back snidely “Just seeing if you are giving up you Christmas beliefs too or your beliefs”

So, if you don’t put up a tree you have no beliefs. Again, I have not put up a tree in years. I celebrate Christmas in my own ways, maybe not decoratively speaking, but it doesn’t make me a bad person. I can’t be as perfect as my brother with the grandchild who gets the visits, ect. But, I can be me. I am who I am. A GD tree or not.

I need a break. I am worried about my dog whom I hade to see in discomfort. I am starting to get back to doctors and on my meds again which isn’t always an easy adjustment nor am I quite prepared for it. When you are off them for so long, get back on, go through the adjustments in dosages and so on, it’s hard finding that right spot. Or if it’s even still the right med. so I worry on the effects of the rest of life. In the end is it worth it? Probably. Especially since the seasonal depression attacks my MDD and I try to fight them both. Since I have been so tired lately and that’s most likely the fight and my thyroid. And most of all, I am worried about everyone and everything else in life and being all I can be for them.

Author: Dana Gidner-Kristal

perfectly imperfect

Spill your brains...

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