The push is exhausting. Being strong when you feel weak is exhausting. When you battle depression it can hit by circumstance or for no reason at all.
It’s the coping that gets you through. How do I cope. I tell my self I am okay. Maybe I stay in denial until denial is defeated. Who knows. But it beats letting it win outright. But then it hits hard.
I woke up this morning with a urge to call into work, I took the dog out and asked myself why I would call in. The reason. To crawl back in bed. At which I told myself that was NOT going to happen. And to the shower I went. Btw, have I mentioned I love hot water? Yes, I still have a little humor.. if you guys read my previous post, we were without it for 2 days, the things you take for granted, right? And here I am talking about mood disorders.. Yeesh!
So, the good news is I made it to work. I didn’t speak a word to anyone around me but I made it. Of course in my line of work I did have to talk to people and irritably, I did so in some cases. But that may have been more of a case that stupidity kills my brain cells. Welcome to working tech support. But, afterwards, I sucked at life. I didn’t go to the gym, I didn’t go to the grocery store for dinner items, I came home to sit on the bed. My reason, my purpose, my job… . Cook dinner.. be fit.. I failed today.. maybe tomorrow…. And when mom called.. I put on my happy voice.
And now we will see what tomorrow brings. Because right now I just want to sleep a lot!