Feeling depressed when you want to be happy, because you ARE happy. Trying to pull up. Seeing everything great in life. You look at your phone every second to see your two favorite people. You come home to watch your dog be silly. You listen to a story about your niece that almost makes you smile and you force a laugh wondering why you can’t laugh. You force yourself to the gym. You feel like you’re alone. You feel like you’re not only pulling away but being pushed away, you protect others as others protect themselves, and it gets even more lonely. You find yourself calling into work to stay in bed all day and do nothing, with no energy or motivation, not even opting to work from home just because you canMt face life and people. You can’t talk about it because, what is there to talk about. You love all of your life and you wouldn’t change it. You’re biggest fear is losing it all over something so far out of your control, because you’ve been there and seen it. So you try harder. Anxiety continues to build, not helping the situation for sure, but you can’t fight it. Fear. And you are pissed because you ask what the FUCK is wrong with you! Why is each day seeming to be a push?