Today wasn’t better, but today wasn’t worse. I ate a little yesterday, and now it’s the I can’t eat day, it’s been an every other day thing and then I force myself. I woke up, not wanting to get to work, not wanting to face people, got little sleep and well, I didn’t make the gym.. tomorrow’s a new day. I did go to work though, I made it through the day. I even put in my time off request for a ‘mental health day’ in February.
So I count my blessings on that. Every day’s a new day, a day I am here, a day I wake up hopefully loved and wanted, even needed in the world. it was better than the thoughts I had a few days ago that I was able to concur. The negative shit that sometimes really takes over but with help And my strength I was able to get past that moment.
I still wait to schedule the dreaded appointment, but that’s probably for the best as I adjust al medication starting tomorrow morning. I hate medication of any kind, and it sucks I had to get off and now start over. But it has to be done I guess. So until then I guess I come here to talk to myself, to listen to myself, to monitor myself.
I feel okay on it and it may be what nervously gets me by.
I did as do something today that feels right, right for me and right for my future and everything I am. I can bring that out in a month as to what and how it turns out. Until then I will be a wreck too.. haha. I fear the judgement and anything else that could go wrong, but something in me said to do it and make the order anyways. It’s only money you can’t take it with you.. kidding.. it’s it about the money. The new shower head will be awesome! (Only spoken because I got a text it will arrive in 2 days and to lighten things)