What is is really like…

… To date someone whom is on Anti-depressants?   I sit here lately trying to think of ways to help Matt understand better so he can grasp what goes on in my pretty little head sometimes. But, Depression is hard to grasp at a personal level much less try to break down to someone else how to handle it.  I have a hard time handling it sometimes myself.  Which is what is making me have to see a Doctor on Thursday.  Difference is, I can take  pill to try and balance things out, I can’t give him a pill and expect it to balance out him understanding. I don’t think that its that he doesn’t get it, I know he does.  But, that he just wants to know how to be the most supporting he can be.  It’s not easy to love someone who isn’t on par every day.  I know that.  I am no exception to the rule.

The last month or so, I have been in a constant loop in my head, always worrying on things I need not really worry on, big things, small things, every day things.  I am easily startled by every sound and jumpy more than ever before.  I have days I have no desire to do anything that interests me.  The biggest thing is to recognise it and so something about it.  The hardest thing is overcoming the fear to do it.

None of us LIKES to take medication on a daily basis, but most of the time its necessary for one reason or another.  The getting back on them scares me about as much as not being on them at all.  Why?  Because I know I need them, But I also know the work and effects it will have until it is right.  Its going to mess with my emotions, its going to mess with my weight, Its going to probably make me a little more difficult. I don’t want to continue to have the blas’e feelings, but I don’t want to have the Blase emotions either.  I don’t want to have even more lack of motivation or enthusiasm for events and every day things.  And I certainly don’t want those around me to feel as if I ‘don’t care’ or feel like they can’t be around me, or even that I don’t want them around.  For once I can say I have people I want to walk beside me in this and help me.

Yes, I just said I would want people to help me.  What the what?   Miss independent herself, allowing such a thing?  Yep!  More than anything I fear it pushing them away, or them running for that matter. I don’t want to do the highs and lows alone, but I also don’t want to bring them up and down on a roller-coaster with me.

Author: Dana Gidner-Kristal

perfectly imperfect

Spill your brains...

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