It was an anxious day as I prepared for my appointment with the psychiatrist. In the end the appointment went okay and she roved herself above and beyond what I have known before. My meds have been changed, all side effects gone over, she even went over her success rated and future action plans if it doesn’t work. She was able to explain more in depth my seizures I had about 5-6 years ago and why the doctor said it was linked to my depression as I told her all my medical history. All the epilepsy unit did was give me cliff notes. I was actually even honest with her on my withdrawal, isolation and lack of motivation on things lately which was big, to be comfortable enough to do so, but there’s things outside the office that make me want to feel better and get right.

I went even further on this after the day of thinking and stewing on it. I told Matt if he ever wants or needs to go with he is more than welcome. I want him to be where ever he wants or needs to be. I don’t want him to have to ask or feel he ‘can’t’ be. We are one together.

If that’s not above and beyond 300% of me roving that I am letting him into my life and opening up and giving all of me and all my vulnerability then there’s not much else. This has always been something private, something that was hard to even allow my parents to for their reactions, and definitely not something I would allow anyone else to be part of.

I know he wants to understand and I know I might be a little up and down. And I have a hard enough time and frustration within to just be ‘normal’ with what I can’t control right now, with not understanding why I have to be this way when life is going so well, much less to be able to help him help me.. haha. But, I look at the bigger picture that I need to be the best for all 4 of us (not just me and a fur baby any longer, my soulmate and my soon to be step daughter)

Author: Dana Gidner-Kristal

perfectly imperfect

Spill your brains...

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