I call a funk. Didn’t have one or two dreams last night, my mind was on a crazy loop. It was mainly everything on my mind from financial to step parenting, to my relationship, and it went on all night. So today being exhausted and putting in OT was an added.. bonus? But hey, one was great for a short dream.. haha.. knowing most of my readers, use my.. I mean your imagination. (Humor..)
Talking and coaching the kiddo is a lost battle and everything is an arguement. Having to ask for info because no one talks to you, trying to lift spirits and being ignored, and just feeling like when you talk you are fighting to wonder if you were heard. Trying to keep everything g from falling apart while I feel like I am falling apart.
Many would ask why I do this. Its out of a love so strong, its out of wanting to be a good partner, step parent to hopefully be, to be the dog mom, to be a good employee, a good daughter a good sister and a good Aunt. And most of all because it ME, its who I am.
In other news, tomorrow is the heart walk, and when it is different from any other year thanks to covid, I am kind of glad its a ‘walk where you are event with all going on with me phhsically.physically. But, having missed last year it will be good to do what I can being as I have been doing it since 2 years after my dad passed of a heart attack when I found it in DFW. Each year I raise more from starting at just a $50 donation to now a little over $250 out of just 5 donors, most repeats.
The heart walk is just another time of year I think of my dad, the one who helped me come everything I am above, instead of the scared, timid child I was when he arrived. Hes the one who didn’t let me ‘go’ on my last attempt and who has made me even braver since then, to love me first. I’m just tired right now. I will bounce back and I still have my humor even n if only I find me funny.
I have also done runs for the freedom run, alzheimers, the suicide walk, and then the 10k in 2005-6. I love doing it all even if the only shape I seem to be in lately is.. round. Luckily ‘Dads old Number’ has remained disconnected, yes. I HAVE TRIED because sometimes I need someone who doesn’t understand but understands ME.