December 6, 2017

You think you know love,, you think you have found a love only good enough for YOU that is all you deserve. Then the unthinkable happens a a real true love finds you in life and it is nothing like you imagined.

As we near the 3 year mark since Matt and I started dating, I am still in awe every time I look at him, everything I see his smile, listen to him work, and wake up next to him. He is an amazing man. The way he loves and cares for me, his daughter and even Nike, is like no other. The first real true love of my life. Some Days I have to wake up and pinch myself to see if its all real and that he is still by my side. I even love the way he yells at the TV with sports.. haha.

Since working from home and spending every day together I get a better appreciation for what he does day to day, admire him for who he is and what he does, and will even make him a sandwich for it.. 😂

If anyone could have explained it better it would be my mom who broke it down in ‘her version’, but she was spot on. She explained her view on my marriage and the other two long term relationships I had. Probably giving him the clearest understanding of where my broken heart came from when he and I met.

With the marriage, it was many times of telling a man who asked me to marry him, ‘no’ before I finally said yes. I have said it before that I married;
One: because my parents liked him.
Two: I was young and it seemed the thing to do as I thought that was it, that was where life was leaving me.
Three: I settled.
And after that the marriage was short lived, being married only a year after being together a total of nearly 10.

After the marriage ended and I took a year to find myself, I got into the first relationship I found. It was not a good one by any means but I thought I had found love. If love was this then I was really screwed and didn’t know what it was. It was years of manipulation, control, constant arguing and so on. I left for a while but would end right back in the storms. And mainly for the kids was the reason I went back. However, these were not my kids. But that was where the real love was and what kept me going back. It was a all the wrong reasons kind of love.

From there, I jumped into a relationship with someone who was my best friend, who was really like a brother to me in the aspect of how he always looked out for me. And before I made this jump I continued to tell him I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. And again, it became more for his kids than it was for us and we were more roommates than anything. And then it came down to even after we had split I provided for him and his kids as far as a place to stay for about a year before I put my foot down and needed to be able to move on with my life. In that year I went on several dates with many men, and while he made it nearly impossible for anything to form with anyone, it was also just trying to find my match before I gave up.

Giving up was the best thing I could have done, I was tired of searching and so the searching found me. While going on several dates allowed me to see the many shades of men, it also helped me to see what I really wanted and needed. When I stopped looking that finally came. As you have all read in my November blog as to when we first started talking, we hit it off immediately, while both a little skeptical and guarded, we gave it a shot. I was comfortable being myself around him and that was the first sign that this may be ‘the one’. Then we had our first few dates and from there the rest is magical and still being written. He really is my first true love and I feel like finally love has done me right.

In our 3 years we can count on one hand how many disagreements we have had, and when we do we always work it out. We know to never go to bed angry. We are able to be ourselves and talk to each other freely with out judgement and that alone is golden.

All I continue to think is how did I get this lucky when I was ready to give up on looking. To find real true love. Who would have even thought 3 years ago I could look at him and see my fiance, my future husband.

We have had many fun adventures together from trips to Las Vegas, Finland, Estonia, Maine, Florida, Arizona, and Missouri, making new memories along the way. But just the same I am happy snuggled up with him and a book or a movie. Life is good and I know this time that it truly is.. True Love. He is my soulmate and my forever person and I can not wait to be his wife someday. 🙂

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