More than a memory

Sometimes I love Facebook memories, sometimes I hate them. Today a memory appeared from this day last year, only a couple weeks after restarting antidepressants again. My weight was okay, since then with added medication, stress and so on.. not so much.

I saw the post and wanted to cry. I don’t know why it means soooo much to me but it does. I mean hell, if I can’t stand to look at myself in the mirror, or step on the scale I know others who won’t want to look at me either. I find it harder and harder to even be naked in front of my fiance and that sucks.

While I have said before I know I have an abundance of inner beauty but I pride in my outer as well and sure don’t feel it. And fighting everything against me, trying to lose the weight seems like a lost cause. I have been trying so much and even in cutting back drinking it’s not changing for the better but the worst.

It depresses me.

Spill your brains...

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