When you battle depression and anxiety two questions that alternate in your mind are “Am I enough?” And “Am I to much?”
“Am I enough?”
You are your hardest critic, no matter what you do, no matter what you say and no matter who you are, you always feel your doing it wrong or not good enough. Your advise, your parenting, your love and affection, all of who you are, sometimes just can’t muster its way out. You feel like those around you, those in your life deserve better and not you when you can’t be the ‘best part of you’
“Am I to much?”
You push yourself to be the best. The best sister, friend, aunt, partner, wife, mother, step mother, dog mom, whatever it may be. You try to give all you can but it goes unseen or unappreciated, because it’s all just overwhelming, it’s too much for the other parties to handle, it’s avoided. And the human in you ‘expects’ to be treated the way you treat others. When trying to be a ‘parent’ are you too hard from trying to much? When loving are you loving to hard?
Both of the above seem Ludicrous, as you know expectations lead to disappointment. And maybe you are disappointing others expectations in you.. You feel needy at times and that is to much, you back off or have days you just can’t find the urge to push and then you aren’t giving enough in your mind. And you push yourself so hard to be the best even when what you need is someone to tell you it will all be okay, that it’s okay to not be your best 200% of the time.
You can’t find your medium between enough, to much and to little. It’s a constant battle of the brain. You are you and you realize that it’s overwhelming to you and all around you.