I made a posta few weeks maybe a month ago and I quote:
“And then, I just feel like everything has become stagnant, complacent around me, and like I said in another post before, like something is off. Not just with me but those around me. It is something I see not just in myself but can feel from others. It’s a lonely feeling.”
There was much more to the blog and I blamed being home bound and over worked to it. I have since then tried to get back into my own therapy, bowling. I joined a league and after much run around I got to play last week. Was it fun in the moment? Sure. But at the end of it I had only one person I wanted to tell. He’s just as homebound and exhausted as I am, staying up till midnight or later, except this night he was awake when I left and asleep in the 15 minutes it took to get home.
The next day as I ‘tried to bring it up’ I spoke to an empty person. That hurt the most. Doing what I genuinely hate and repeating to be heard. Nothing. A separation. Thats a hard feeling and thought to swallow. When I mentioned, openly, which is hard to do I heard basically, ” we weren’t talking about anything” my heart sank and I blamed myself for taking it as that. I Guess it was nothing, or nothing important.
If he had a hockey game it was always important to go to and see. It was always important to hear about if I couldn’t and had to watch his daughter. Hell, he can tell me of his games he plays and while I don’t understand it half the time it’s still important because it’s important to him.
He got some bad family news and where I would like to dream I was the first person he would want to share with hours after we spent time ‘talking about nothing’ it came up to someone else. It wasn’t like he had just seen me.
I guess the part of ‘part 2’ I hate seeing those who matter, UNHAPPY! it hurts me more. I am more worried of them. I, Myself, got me. It’s not my first rodeo and I always figure it out. But, to hear them having bad times and incapable of doing anything sucks. Same happens when my mom calls, she’s miserable in her job and I worry of her health.