They say that it’s great to have a big heart, to give your all, and to give all in things in life. I am one of those people. Not tooting my horn, it’s just the fact. I love deeply and hard, I give my all in work and life, and I try to do all I can for those close to me, especially if it means helping them, releving their stresses and trying to carry their stress and hide mine or making their lives easier. Trying to always be super woman and take on the world and stay numb of what I have in my court.
Someday’s I wish I knew how to not do so. How to give what I receive instead of giving all that I am and is in my nature. But, I am more of a do onto others as you wish to have done to you and not a treat others the way they treat you.
While I love these qualities about myself, I find out at the end of the days, I am the one whos heart is hurting, feeling alone, feeling that everyone else is more of a priority and I am seen whenever it’s the last option, and just exhausted of all abilities. Giving all my love, wishing to have the same in return or feel the same in return, exhausted of energy that I put into doing for all. Finding myself still asking for people’s time and love, than getting it freely. Wishing sometime instead of trying so hard to be fine that Someone would grab me and tell me it will be. (Guess then I am needy in that sense which I hate to feel I am being)
While I get everyone is human. No one is the same, I begin to wonder is it that hard to be appreciative, to be respectful of things done for you, to love others, to be thankful or to even just say thank you sometimes. To be aware of those things that matter.
These are not things I can change on either side. I am who I am and others are who they are. I can’t bring myself to be a person who isn’t giving my all in situations in life, and I can’t make people love, appreciate or respect who I am.