Was it just a bad dream, or was it a reality?
She always thought things through, over and over in her head. Always worrying. While overthinking can be beneficial to some aspects of life, she found out the hard way it was in love that it can quickly shatter things, and it was on that day, that day that he left and slipped right through her fingers and she finally damaged it all that she knew.
If she saw him unhappy, she always felt it was with her. If he was distant, she took the amount of time that he was to heart. And the overthinking continued on. And then she would not say anything because she would know it probably sounded irrational so she tried to tell herself it was nothing, she truly did! she knew it was her feelings and that it might cause problems, she knew she was always a problem in that way. In the way she loved to much. And she was scared to lose him one way or another, and how could she win. She feared either way.
She finally learned that constant worry will only bring you one thing, the biggest hurt you will ever endure, heartache. When you lose the one true love you’ve ever known. When you wake up that one cold morning and he’s gone, for good. Never returning. And this time it’s not just him gone in his heart or his mind, but in his body as well.
Her constant worry, her constant overthinking, even the amount of love and affection, he realized were not for him. And he pulled away. By the time he used the words that it was threatening them, by the time she knew what was and had always been her, and while she has always been trying to change what was so hard, it was to late to keep trying. He was already too far gone inside, and now he was gone outside.
And now she sees her worry wasn’t just a worry, the withdrawal was what it was. And she pushed him so far away and she let him slip away. She’s lost her love and her heart. She’s damaged all that she loved, she’s damaged goods, and it’s too late to fix what she should have long ago. She was to blind to see through all the overthinking. She made his life impossible and he had to set himself free, to be happy, she can’t blame him. Her intent was good, she loved to hard, she worried so much, and the day came that it ruined everything.
Her thoughts, her fears, her love, they all let her heart and her happiness walk away, without looking back. But she knows now he can be happy, he can love someone truly and he can live free. He did what he chose for a life he wanted, and she was not it. He will not be tortured any longer in his life of hell.
She will let herself go, she will learn new ways, just as she planned to work on. She will continue on. She will keep growing. And the love that will stay is always going to be the love from within. While flawed, she will always find the ways to love an ounce of it.