Its a new week ahead..

Last week was just draining. With the colonoscopy on Monday to hopefully get some answers as to what is going on, it drug the week out with pain and not feeling well. Which the end result was, no answers at all and a waste of time and money. And while I just needed a break from everything, when I need to stop nothing else around me does. The job is still there, the house work is still there, the dogs are still here, mouths still need to be fed so I still need to cook and life must go on, add me not knowing how to pause to begin with and it all continues on. Part of that is who I am in general, the other part of that is the care for the things and people around me, and the final is that it is it gives me a sense of purpose, especially when I feel I don’t have much in me.

Friday ended on a somewhat good feeling after a job interview that I felt went well but I also know and told myself not to get my hopes up. I mean even if that went well I still needed to advance to not one but two more interviews. But I was hopeful. And much of it is just that my current job as much as I enjoy many things around it in what I do, the schedule, and many of the perks such as unlimited PTO… it simply is sucking everything out of me. And I know, you can’t have your cake and eat it to. Well, as I was typing this, I got the we are sorry but we have decided to move on with others email.

I am trying to tell myself its a new week, many because of a little anxiety as I get ready to go to yet ANOTHER doctor here in a bit. Now to see a neuro surgeon to find out if maybe the issue is my back causing everything else. I tried a chiropractor a while back and some extreme stretching and expensive treatment plans that didn’t work, so now its time for another approach. But, honestly, I am just tired. I hate doctors, and I hate that no one knows.

However, It IS A NEW WEEK, and there are some positives. My husband started a new job today. And for that I am proud of him in doing so. Proud of him for pushing and going through the interviews for one. I know they aren’t easy.. Two, for making a decision. He had two job offers to choose from and he had a tough decision to make. Three, for being able to make a change. We all know that change is hard and it can be strange. But he took that leap. And at the end of the day, I know he is going to do amazing in whatever path he chooses. So, this week as we start it, my focus is not on myself and all my woe’s but on watching him as he starts his new journey and hearing his stories each day as he comes home. Because, at the end of each day, He has always been my HOME.

Author: Dana Gidner-Kristal

perfectly imperfect

Spill your brains...

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