For as long as she could remember, it didn’t matter how thin she was or not, she wasn’t comfortable to be seen in her own skin. Whether it was a swimsuit or her partner seeing her in the nude. Not one person or thing made her ever feel ‘sexy’. It wasn’t for lack of trying in the past years. She did try the lingerie in her younger years, but always felt rejected when she did. Being told things like “What are you wearing? Put some clothes on” when trying to surprise her partner whom was the one whom asked for it in the first place, and only reason she ever did it. Or being shamed for what she bought and told it ‘Looked like something of a prison shag’ because of the lace pattern.
She has learned that while it took her a long time to love herself, it didn’t stop there. She had been criticizing herself, her image, for years, and now it was time to start approving of herself and see what happened. She knows she will never be that woman that all men are staring at on the side with the bigger breasts or the perfect skin. She will never be that woman with the perfect body or hair. She also knows that those women that these men are staring at and see, mostly on the internet are about 10% of the population, that they will never have. 🙂 What she will be at the end of the day is herself.
After several years she finally became comfortable enough in her own skin that she could at least where a swimsuit in front of people and not feel she had to hide her skin. She was able to finally face a mirror and look at herself with a little bit of confidence. But, if it came to an intimate level she was still very ashamed. It didn’t matter with whom, it was a lights out, don’t look. She just couldn’t get past the though of anyone seeing her in a way they would like.
It wasn’t until one day, after several years with her partner that she really felt comfortable in her skin, in front of him. Her confidence had risen, and she started to show it more. She felt more comfortable in the light. She felt more comfortable and confident laying in bare skin and not feeling the need to hide it. She was confident enough to try lingerie again and to ‘try’ to be appealing to the eyes that loved her. Putting all fear of rejection and shame that she knew could potentially come just from her past experiences. When the rejection came this time though, it didn’t hurt, not like before. This time she told herself this wasn’t on her, but she also realized maybe it wasn’t for her.
She’s more comfortable in her skin, even as it ages. As scars show, there are stretch marks and imperfections. She knows her skin will always be her skin and it is who she is. Its her outer shell, Its the first thing the eyes see before getting to know her inner beauty. She knows that she can love what she sees in the mirror no matter the imperfections, those are what define her, those are what make her just as beautiful.